Chores, Doctors, and Dubstep

Today was a day off, and that's great and all, but I still had practice and when you have tendinitis, it's not exactly fun to overwork your shoulders into submission.

Went to the doctor to get my shoulders checked out, and of course she said to go to an orthopedic specialist and to not swim until I go to the other doctor. Because not swimming for two weeks will DEFINITELY help my swim team beat the rich snobs, right? Sometimes, I swear doctors are stupid.

Too many chores to handle. I stayed up until 11 cleaning stuff and I was not a happy camper.

And also, my sister proclaimed that she now likes dubstep. Wonderful.

Going to bed now. 1:15 and practice in 5 hours. Merp.

I bleed purple and white... not really

Visiting the vast green campus of Northwestern was like a dream come true. I couldn't believe that I was even standing on the same ground that Matt Grevers did just a few years ago. Crazy.

No gen-eds, campus on the beach, and the opportunity to study abroad in so many countries besides my own that my head spun in disbelief. Northwestern.

Awkward

Why am I in the habit of liking the most unlikeable people? As in, why do I like the guys that I shouldn't be liking? I crush on the taken dudes, the untouchable dudes, and even the nerdy-cute dudes. Of them all, not one likes me back. Of course.

I'm just some girl they pass in the hallway. The girl who writes sports recaps for the awesomest school newspaper in the history of school newspapers. Yeah.

I'll just sit here and watch my episodes, and just fantasize about trading lives with Jenna Hamilton.

Too Close

Which way is right, which way is wrong,
How do I say that I need to move on?
You know we're headed separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

He croons the words of the song as smoothly as softened butter glides on warm French bread. And in it all, the words evoke an emotion within me that I can only describe as understanding. I like you. I can't lie about it and I can't really hide it. I just like you. But you don't feel the same way, so I'll just move on with my life.

The Downfalls of Being an Athlete

Swim. Sleep. Eat. Repeat.

I wish I could say that there was more to my life than swimming, sleeping, and eating everything in sight, but there really isn't. All summer, day in and day out, it's a constant cycle of swimming, eating, sleeping, and computer usage. Not that I really mind, but my life is becoming tedious, which is something I'm not really happy about. I want an adventure over the summer, something to talk about once school starts next month. Not this, "Oh, I swam all summer and barely went anywhere other than the pool, the library, and sometimes to various stores to buy stuff I needed," because that gets boring after two summers of telling everyone that.

There's practice tomorrow morning and I'll be honest; I kind of don't want to go. It's the last day and all, and I'm sure the coaches will have an easy set or something (if we're lucky), but I just want to have a day where I don't need to think about swimming, waking up early, or even having my parents mention that swim season is starting in a week and a half and that I need to be on my A game so that I can potentially be put on varsity, or something along those lines.

Life is short, and it seems like instead of having fun and relaxing like many of my classmates did this summer, I was at the pool for two to four hours every day, busting my butt so that I can maybe be captain (which didn't work out) or snag a place on varsity (we'll see). I know that all my hard work will pay off in the end, but I just don't know. I've pretty much been preparing three years for this season, and it sometimes feels like those three years are just more time wasted on being good, but not good enough for other people who will yet again decide my fate on a school swim team. I'm sick of it.

I dunno. I guess I'm just angry at this system that's been egging me on to keep swimming and to push myself until I physically can't do it anymore.

Swim. Swim. Swim.

The Olympic Rings are Emblazoned onto my Wrist

The dark rings of Sharpie stand out against the the golden-tan skin of my wrist. The faint blue lines of my veins run below the rings, just as my blood pulses through the veins.

Mom yelling at my sister in the next room. "Stop using all of the air fresheners. You're ten, you know better. When will you ever learn your lesson?"

What a good question. When will we ever learn from our mistakes? Is it tomorrow? Is it next year? When we're old and on our deathbeds?

Mom says, "This isn't working out for me," as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders and I'm the missing savior.

What have I done wrong?

Skunky mornings

Bringing my bike out
And then I saw the white stripe
Skunk in my backyard

So yeah, I woke up earlier today because practice is now being held 15 minutes farther by car. Brought my bike outside so that I could put it in the car and then left it on the patio momentarily so that I could get my bag packed. Had the car keys and everything and went outside to get the bike and right on my lawn is a huge skunk. I just stopped and stood there for what felt like forever. Because the last thing I want is to be sprayed by a skunk before swim practice.

Swim practice was somewhat uneventful. It was outside, if that makes a difference. But otherwise the same old, same old.

And now I'm just chillin' like a villain, waiting for my mom to come home so that we can go to my second practice of the day. Lovely!